Casino Crimes

I do not have a gambling problem. I have a problem with gambling. 

I'm not sure if it was premature excitement for the pending release of Skyfall, or an urgent need to do something reckless and extravagant after returning to Singapore from  the UK. But let me warn you now before you get your glad rags on. Marina Bay Sands Casino is NONE of the above, and by striking down each of my excitable preconceptions one by one I shall try and explain why. 

Marina Bay Sands

GLAMOUR?

Call me naive (but then I am a child of the 80s) to me casinos render images of mysteriously wealthy men in dinner jackets, beautiful women by their sides, offering nothing but promise should things go your way, fast cars and cigars.  High stake tables, perhaps the odd international criminal and you're next martini arriving before you even have time to scan the room for a waitress. I'll be honest, my limited experience of casinos was more accurately very drunken, often at the end of a night out and required membership for entry which anyone could apply for at the door. There was usually free breakfast, and embarrassing drunks taking risk to new highs (or lows?) as Jack Daniels began to make decisions for them.

illusions of grandour

NONE of these comfortable stereotypes even begins to paint a picture of Marina Bay Sands Casino. 

All elements of exclusivity are stripped away on arrival, the glamorous exterior and expensive surrounding shops provide a visual siren call to those with a wedge and a dangerous trap for those who leave with winnings. The cash machines only spit out $100 bills so if you don't want the temptation in your pocket, take money out elsewhere first. Casino goers are then herded like cattle to get into the 'gambling pit'. The cliental is obvious from this point. A mix of tourists popping in for a look around (think socks and sandals/ bum-bags/ I <3 SG T-shirts) local labourers straight off the work site, Expats with nothing better to do, rich Chinese business men, and in abundance (which is actually very sad to see) hundreds of men (and women) on their own, who sit for hours on end loosing all of their money on hope and addiction. Entry to the casino if free, unless you are Singaporean, in a conscious effort to try and clamp down on the prevalent issue of gambling in the country, they must pay $100 entry. Sadly however this results in people going to the casino for '24 hours shifts' until they are thrown out by security, to get the most out of the $100 surcharge. 

try to spot a waitress

The main hall is MASSIVE with sections dedicated to specific budgets, the fruit machines, low budget roulette and electronic machines are absolutely packed with an odd mix off clearly agitated settlers and excitable tourists chucking down chips for fun. But before your eyes are able to focus on the chaos, your senses are abused in a different way all together. The casino allows people to smoke EVERYWHERE. Ashing on the floors, the chairs, on the carpet, on their laps... it is essentially an oversized ashtray, and where smoking areas outside clubs are one thing, people chaining to overcome the stress of not regaining a dollar they loose creates a slightly gloomy atmosphere.

OUR EXPERIENCE

Off we trotted to the casino planing to have a few drinks, play a bit of black jack, and hopefully come back at least breaking even, but if not having a fun, evening and a couple of drinks. I failed on all these fronts. 5 minutes in, $100 down on roulette, we made an informed decision that guessing numbers was not where we were destined to make our millions. Instead we would guess cards. Off to the pontoon tables we went, finding one of the cheapest options which was $25 minimum bets- blink- gone was another $200. At this point I retired, it was a short gambling career, and I foolishly then started to think about what else $300 could have got me- bad idea.

Brad played on and didn't do too badly. We shared the table with another English guy and his girlfriend, neither of whom really seemed to have any big wins on the cards 

(pardon the pun), or a criminal history- this upset me. At one point an older Chinese man bowled over and threw down a $1000 bill on our table and got involved. After noticing the lack of challenge we provided, he switched to trying to teach us all, got bored and then left- taking the majority of the chips on the table with him. Maybe he was in a gang? That would be exciting. 

What I found bizarre is that it is impossible to get a drink in the casino, there is no visible bar when you are sat in the middle and you are reliant on about 3 waitresses who walk around to try and bring you something to your table. There is however free water, tea, coffee and Milo on tap for the more hardcore in need of caffeine fixes yet wanting to maintain focus- it is more like a library full of caffeine pumped students cramming the night before an exam than the Hotel de Paris I was expecting. Oh well, I think Brad broke even (I had lost track) so after about half an hour we went for a walk around. 

"Sian did you bring a big handbag?"

We put some money in a machine that flashed a lot and played a little tune every time it stole form us, claiming to be monopoly. This was not monopoly.

Then a woman was sick in a bin.

After this, we decided to call it a night- we needed a drink, and to be honest it would be easer to find a water cooler in the sahara than a G&T in the casino...I did get 2 free Milos out of the evening though. Or if you look at it another way, 2 $150 Milos. burgh. 

Ok I know I sound like a massive scrooge. But there is a part of me that thinks with Casino's you pay for an 'experience' you go to Vegas, and you expect the trimmings. If we felt indulged, enjoyed sumptuous surroundings and could settle down with drinks and a sense of healthy competition I don't think I would mind loosing money, if I had a good night out, instead it was more like wasting money to pass the time.

My advice, if you go? Go with friends. Go with a limit. Go prepared. Go drunk.

If like me you had slightly unrealistic ideals of a casino, I hope this will set your expectations on a more realistic level. Don't think Casino Royale, think RatRace, and if you want to feel like Daniel Craig, buy some tight blue swimming trunks and get a mate called M.

XXX